A stone in the lake

As I’m sitting here listening to my son snore after turning off the TV because he wanted to be obnoxiously defiant tonight…I’m just thinking ‘Man, could I have handled that better?’ What would be the purpose of yelling at him; spanking his butt than to hear him scream some more? Well all in all he got his bedtime drink and is curled up in my bed snoring away. PHEW! I was feeling like I was about to have to take a 5 minute mommy time out just so i could stop screaming at him. Yes, I yell at my child. Yes, I spank his butt. No, I don’t care if you are for or against it because being in the terrible 2’s a single mom can only take so much…moving on!

So, I found out that after an urgent care visit and a trip to the ER that my son has a double ear infection and the starts of Pnuemonia. YAY! Just kidding… As a mother the first thing that i would do is inform his father.  That i figured would be the adult thing to do. WRONG ANSWER! There are many times in my life where I’m challenging the thoughts that I have for his father where they be love or hate and both flow so freely that it’s hard to tell the difference between the both of thing. That line is almost nonexistent anymore. Anyway I digress… after telling him that we’re sitting in the ER and him just not asking how Ki is doing he asks why he’s sick all the time. And at first it was one of those WTH are you questioning why he’s sick and not how he’s doing. Me, being the smart ass that i am just replied with why not ask the important question which would have been do u have a diagnosis.  Long story short and many many unwritten cuss words, in his eyes I need to quit smoking to make my son healthier because he is an asthmatic. In his eyes i don’t meet HIS standards as a mother or a human being for that matter. In his eyes, my son that he just found out that he was the father of about 2 weeks ago via a Paternity test thinks that I’m not doing a very good job raising our son. Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  For every tear; every scrape; every cold and booger that needed picked; for every day care; and friend; every time he’d eat dirt (yes he still does); every trip thats planned. Every doctors appointment…YUP i’m the mom.

 

You can’t walk around and think that because you can’t say he’s not yours anymore that you can throw stones into my lake. This is my domain. Those ripples that are getting bigger are just gonna cause waves on the shore that are gonna bury him. Who’s to say that there is a perfect mother? Who’s to say that you need to have baby momma drama when in my case it’s not me with the drama. I’ve given every opportunity and then some to turn around and allow him to take Malaki more but because it’s not part of the ‘schedule’ and because it’s not court appointed he’s not gonna do it. This might be considered ranting and raving about baby daddy drama but i’m the nicest person around and it took over 2 years since my son is almost 3 to get him to court. But hey, i’m loving every minute; moment; glance; booger and kisses from an amazingly smart little boy. Those stones that are being cast in my lake aren’t gonna break me…he tried that already. I got back up. And i’ll keep standing up because there is no one alive thats gonna keep me down!

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