Stand for something or Fall for anything

Sometimes we are just rocked to the core. We are just put in our place by the words of a song that we’ve never heard before….and suddenly we realize that our troubles aren’t so bad.

With the current state of America it makes me wonder what is to come. We have riots and we have protests some peaceful; some not so peaceful. And in the midst of all the rifts I’m arguing with my ex husband about when he should put my son to bed because the later he naps the longer it’ll take him to get used getting back up at 5 am.  Then as I wasn’t paying attention to the music video on YouTube this chorus hit me

When love broke thru
You found me in the darkness
Wanderin’ thru the desert
I was a hopeless fool
Now I’m hopelessly devoted
My chains are broken
And it all began with You
When love broke thru
And it all began with You
When love broke thru
-Love Broke Thru- Toby Mac

I knew what it felt to feel God before but now He’s so far from me that i don’t know if he’d want me back. I watch people standing up for their rights but they are also the rights that they are criticizing the choices of others. WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE?! I know what it’s like to see both sides of the fence. I watch it everyday because I have been inn mixed relationships. I’ve seen the world look at me in disgust because of the color of my skin. I’ve been ostracized and hated. I’ve been abused and treated like trash. I’ve known loss in a deeper way than most people haven’t. I’ve stood on the bridge ready to jump; I’ve held the razor to my arm to cut through the pain; I’ve drank myself into stupidity and I’ve screwed around with people that could have killed me.  I HAVE DONE IT.  I’ve been seeking for so long to have someone to love me for me and in the end it’s me who’s got to love me first. It’s me who’s got to stand up for me! But that means first and foremost i have to LOVE MYSELF. There ain’t no man in the world that can love me better than me. And my battles are gonna continue but that doesn’t mean that i stop getting up when i fall. It means with my son in the picture I have more of a reason to turn around and get up and fight for not only my life but to fight for his.

And God has never left me. He has never forgotten about me and he has carried me through more than i’d like to admit. ‘I did all that I could to undo me
But You loved me enough to pursue me’ (Toby mac)

Now it’s time to stop being part of the NORM and to start going against the crowd just to love who i am!

What do I stand for?

I know who’s gonna catch me when I fall!


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