The ballad of a Single Mom

To whom it may concern,

Today marks the day that I took off work to have an R&R day. I probably should have went to work to make the money needed to take care of my son, however, I also realized that IF i don’t take care of myself than I am no good to my son. How can I be a great mother when I’m short and irritable with my child? How can i help him soar if I’m too tired to look up educational games for him to play? How can i be an effective parent when I would rather pass him off the babysitter because the depression hits so hard that a bottle of liquor is the remedy?  The truth is, I can’t! I can’t watch my son fail in his life because I’m the one that’s struggling to make ends meet. I can’t sit and ignore my son because I’m trying to keep my overly emotional self under wraps while he just wants to curl up in my arms and wants me to hold him close.

But here’s what i can do. I can take one day out of my busy schedule between working a full time job and being in the military to relax and get house work done so our house feels like a home. I can dump out that bottle of liquor I have in the freezer to avoid the temptation. I can spend the day doing things to make our lives better since I am in the mommy and daddy role. I can find an avenue to conquer my own insecurities one step at a time. Those are the things that i can do.

Now to all of you that watch how I raise my son:

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!!! We single mom’s have a challenge that no man or single person in this world can understand. We have a world to give to our children and most of time don’t have the means to do it. Yes, sometimes we look a hot mess. In my case that is normal. I’ve struggled with trying to get my sons father to come into his life and I’ve failed. I’ve failed because there’s a hurt between him and I that cannot be replaced; but here’s the good news….WHO CARES! I refuse to talk bad about my sons father because he was someone dear to my heart. I refuse to think that all men are deadbeats because every man has his own reasoning and his own story that he is writing. I refuse to dwell on what broke up my relationship with the man that i loved so dearly. But I will not sit back and watch him walk in and out of our sons life. This is the hardest part about the struggle. BE there or NOT. There’s no in between. There’s no if ands or buts about what should be right and shouldn’t be right. It’s not my life or my heart that is being broken because i hung that hurt up a long time ago. Please understand though that we all have skeletons in the closet. We are have the secrets that we don’t want anyone to know about and we all the hurt that can’t ever be fixed.

Ready for the good news? We are SURVIVORS. We can conquer and adapt to any situation because we know what it’s like to watch the world judge is by the actions that we have made. WE understand the struggle and bad reps that we have because we had children out of wedlock or in results of divorce. The options are for us to walk into the world and take it by the horns and wrangle, wrestle and fight with every ounce of our being. This is the time that we prove to the world that though we might get assistance from the state that we are amazing WOMEN! We are the makers of our own universe and in such it is our job to stand up tall and take over. Don’t worry Ma, it’s gonna hurt and you are gonna cry…DO IT. Cry it out. If we hide  our emotions from our kids than yes we are protecting them but we aren’t teaching them that it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to fail. The harder we are on ourselves the more damage ( in my own opinion) is done. We got this!

Here’s what not to do:

Girl, everyone loves to have that man or woman around that makes things that much easier and of course who doesn’t love a booty call? We are wrong for that. We are wrong to think that having a man or having a woman in our lives is going to fix all of our problems. Most of the time we just complicate things. And trust me, I’m not judging…I preaching at my ownself because I have a habit of doing the same thing. The only love that can be found in a situation of man jumping is self loathing and infatuation. It’s that temporary high that we all need to feel good about ourselves and to give us encouragement but in the end we are left broken and shatter with no hope and back to the bottle we go. Let’s hang that up! It’s time to start by loving ourselves. it’s time to love who we are and not what someone else can do for us. It’s time that we open our pretty eyes and see our beauty and self worth. Ya never know what you’ll become when you have an inward change—guess what? that change shows on the outside and there’s nothing more beautiful that to see a woman who LOVES herself in a manner that her genuine heart shows on the outside in how she carries herself; loves her kids; and how she treats people.  So in all I leave you with this wonderful quote from Rabindranath Tagore:
Beauty is truth’s smile when she beholds her own perfect face.

Be strong my single momma’s! your time to shine is coming….and it starts with you!

Signed,

A confident Single MOM

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